i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
