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• (203): View more from Connecticut

  I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!

  (317): View more from Indiana

  Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?

  (630): View more from Illinois

  Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos

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• (310): View more from California

  i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.

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• (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  My vibrator challenges you to a duel.

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• (714): View more from California

  There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?

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• (575): View more from New Mexico

  I have a broken liver

  (1-575): View more from New Mexico

  I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.

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• (480): View more from Arizona

  The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.

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• (941): View more from Florida

  she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.

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• (201): View more from New Jersey

  Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE

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• (519): View more from Ontario

  I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night

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• (561): View more from Florida

  Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀

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• (401): View more from Rhode Island

  I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss

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• (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.

  (1-603): View more from New Hampshire

  NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE

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• (402): View more from Nebraska

  Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.

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• (212): View more from New York

  You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore

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