come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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