Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
