i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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