So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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