We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Come share oat with me in your robe
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize
