My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
