I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
