So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
