He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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