hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
