Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
