That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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