don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize