I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
