I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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