bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
