If i come over, it means nothing
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
