I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
