Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I am midnight drunk by noon
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
