i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
