what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
