btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Randomize
