I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
