**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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