I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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