I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
