I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
