I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
