i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
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