if i can run in heels then i can drive
What did we do last night that was yellow?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
