The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
