Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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