Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
