i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
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