this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
