When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
