remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
