My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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