I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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