i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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