i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
