The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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