The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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