he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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