I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
