I can't breathe out the right side of my face
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Randomize
