I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
a search helicopter?!
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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