Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize