did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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