i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
