Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Randomize
