Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
