Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
