I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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