I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
