walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
