Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
