somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
