I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
