I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
where are my pants?
in the oven.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
