I wish I could teleport
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
