i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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