my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
zippers are such a cool invention
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
