If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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