o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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