just come out here and I will go home with you...
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
