Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
her vagine was all disorganized.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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