idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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