I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
