Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
