Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Randomize
